"The Present is a gift, and i just want to be" - Common
I was searching the net and i ran across something that referenced where Common found the inspiration for this song in the story of a prostitute. the imagery of the lyrics ran through my head of the one of the verses where Common states "this is my life and i didn't want to be on this corner, i still want to see california". That line speaks volumes to the human struggle and triumph. Sometimes I feel the same way.
Fidelity. In times like these when our faith is tested the most it is extremely hard to be faithful. Faithful to GOD, faithful to relationships or anything else for that matter. I woke up this morning thinking about my faith in terms of where I am in life and where I'm going. Though I have no set idea as to what GOD has planned for me and my life, sometimes I wonder am I diong the right things. My faith is tested everyday through the simple trials in life. Deep down I just want to take some time and get away from it all. The stress, work (or lack there of), my family, my music, the babymama drama and even my kids. Not saying I want to up and leave my kids. However being a young, single father is stressful sometimes and I sometimes need to gather myself. I started this thing young, so half the time I have no idea what I'm doing. I feel like a big brother to my kids moreso than a father sometimes. All these things pull at my faith in one way or another. Like here in Milwaukee I basically have carte blanche when it comes to anything that I do musically. However I'm sick and tired of the city. I feel as soon as I leave that this place might blow up, and I'll be somewhere else starting from jump. If that is the case then Imma throw in the towel and take my ass to church or something! Lol! Sometimes I'm faithful to all the wrong things, most of the times I'm faithful to all the wrong things to be honest! I've only really ever been faithful to maybe one of my girlfriends ever in life, I don't go to church or any religious service faithfully....I do manage to pay my cell phone bill faithfully every month though. And if there is some extra dollars to go around, I am faithfully buying some damn intoxicant to get efffed up! I pray about once a day! I guess the only thing I can say that I have been extremely faithful too was making music, and the pursuit of my goals in music. I'll be damned though if everytime I turn around I see folks who haven't been nearly as faithful as me getting put on. The shit is happening right before my eyes. I often question what it is I want out of life, I don't even know though. I always said that if I remain faithful, I'd get everything that I ever wanted in life. As the years go by though that seems like some shit that your parents just tell you to keep you pacified! Life's a bitch and then you die, at least before I die I wanna be able to see some of the shit that I envision in my dreams. Just a lil bit. Maybe if I remain faithful. OneLove & BlaxLife
